if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I have aggressive nipples.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
