ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
