My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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