remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
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