those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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