I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize