If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
