She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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