can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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