is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
