It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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