wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
