I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
