Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
