did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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