Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
you will always have a special place in my vag
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
