I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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