Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
