am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
