Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
