I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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