hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
