I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
