I swear she didn't look like that last week.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I cut my penus on the lid.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
