I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
