I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
