I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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