Don't make out with my wife yet
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
