just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
