The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
