Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
