Your mouth is God's brothel.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
