I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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