My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
