so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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