a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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