you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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