I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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