My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
