Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
