Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
