Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
