The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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