oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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