There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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