your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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