i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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