so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
