just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
