just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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