Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
how drunk are you?
Several
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize