I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize