Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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