Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
