So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
