WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
