Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
