True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
