I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize