when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
