i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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