I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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