I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
