when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize