fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
