The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
